I find some of my mildly obsessive tendencies come out on December 31st and January 1st. I ritualize little things, as if that will affect how one year ends and the next begins. Pink sweater or green? Latte or flat white? Meaningless, ultimately, but we humans do love our patterns and to try and convince ourselves that we have some control over our world. (I went with the pink sweater.)

As usual, I seem to be a bit out of sync with the world. Didn’t see a lot of love for 2012 in my social streams. Granted, I know a number of people who were really sick over the holidays, so grouchiness on their part is fair. Beyond that, some deaths, divorces — not unusual, but nothing you’d want to happen to nice people. 2012 was decent for me. A lot of things didn’t happen, which is as much as you can ask for sometimes. After all, “May you live in interesting times” IS a curse, supposedly.

A friend mused on Facebook about having a New Year’s wish for stability and calm for the last number of years, and feeling like she finally found some this year, despite some big adventures and life events. I consider this year to have been a calm one, too. I just… left a job, worked freelance, got a new job (and passed my six-month probation), did some ATV-ing, hunted the elusive monk beer, organized some events, destroyed my computer and had it resurrected, travelled to new countries, had a car accident, finally came up with Xenia’s middle name, worried about my Dad when he had a heart attack, made my first pie, finally showed up on Google Maps…

I don’t bother with resolutions, but I did decide that last year was about damned time I did some work on me. I’m really good at helping other folks, but over time crap builds up. Now, by nature I live in my head, my body is largely what I use to move my head around. However, that’s not terribly healthy, especially as you get older. But what to do to change that? I’d decided a couple years before that I wanted to try running a 5K, and I did, but I also know that I’m not a regular runner. I also hate gyms and am not one for team sports.

Thanks to a former co-worker my interest had been piqued in krav maga, so I signed up and showed up there in mid-January. I was older than a lot of the people in my classes, and definitely fatter. Still am. A year later, I’m Level 2 and eternally grateful to year-ago Melle. I’m in better shape and stronger than I’ve ever been (though it might be hard to tell to look at me). I’ve had more bruises and weird injuries than I ever have. My body is a thing I actually live in sometimes now, and interestingly, I’ve learned a great deal about how my brain is wired, too.

The other part of focusing on me was in my head, and making peace with a few things that I was tired of having influence over me. The results aren’t perfect, but I think I got there, and for the last couple of months, I’ve started feeling the pull of moving on now. I guess that’ll be this year’s project. But hey, there are plenty of inspirational quotes on Pinterest that I can print out and stick on the fridge to help me. (Kidding.) I am looking forward to some others now having the opportunity to move on, too. (Which will also free me up.)

I wrote very little last year, stuff for myself anyway. That point was driven home yesterday when I went to send a page of info to someone from my other site and realized… the site wasn’t there. It had been hacked… some time. Blessedly, the folks at A Small Orange cleaned it up with very little work required from me. A good sign that I should probably be a little more active on my own properties. We’ll start with this post, and one about my first six months at the new job on my other site. And then by February I’ll probably be back to old tricks. (I don’t have a gym membership, so I guess my site hosting is my version of that.) 🙂

All in all, I plan to read some books, meet some new people, learn as much as I can, and as always, Make Myself Useful. And possibly finally master cinnamon buns.

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