(Unless you were at the wedding it is unlikely you’ll have any idea what that subject means.)

round bales

And lo, Other Sherry got hitched yesterday. Again. (She and Jodil live in the Netherlands, so they got married there in July for local friends/family, then got married here for the local contingent yesterday.) All went well, and the snags, of which there are always some, were relatively minor. The weather was gorgeous, and being back home was a nostalgia trip as always, and I stood in a farm lane next to a cornfield drinking a beer in the middle of the afternoon dressed in full bridesmaid regalia. God, it was good. There are a couple amusing farm-related anecdotes, but I’ll save those for when I have pictorial accompaniment.

Sherry also realized that her husband is me “but in guy form”. She realized this after he and I spent a couple hours after the rehearsal having a nerdtastic conversation over imported beers around her parents’ kitchen table. Our back-and-forth on xkcd cartoons was incomprehensible to anyone else there. πŸ™‚

My parents had a passel o’ relatives visiting this weekend (for reasons unrelated to the wedding), so I got to sleep in the exercise room downstairs on my brother’s air mattress. I’m thinkin’ when you have a more comfortable sleep on a half-inflated air mattress than you do at home it’s time for a new bed…

When we were getting our mani/pedis on Friday, the aesthetician was asking me where I went to high school, how old I am, etc. — figuring out who I hung out with and such. So I did what I’ve done my whole life. Told her she probably knew my brother and his friends. She did. She actually met my niece a few weeks ago. Heh. Then we talked a lot about kids. No, really. It was cute, too, cuz it was her son’s first day of kindergarten, so after she finished my manicure, she checked that I was fine and was just chillin’ with the other girls. I said I was all good, then she apologized for taking off, but she had to go pick up her son. I told her to gogogo — I mean, honestly, it was like the most traumatic day of her life. Don’t worry about my nails, woman.

I’ll post pictures of the festivities when I get access to some — being in the wedding party it was a rare day when I spent far more time in front of the camera than behind it.

Some girly notes:

  • It’s kind of a strange experience to put so much time, effort, and cash into looking like someone you never look like… and then get completely ignored. (While you’re walking down the aisle, everyone’s looking over, around, and past you to see the bride.) Didn’t really mind. Less pressure to not trip over my own feet. (Which I did not do. w00t!)
  • Idea stolen from Helen’s wedding a couple weeks ago: flip-flops. She bought gold ones for herself and all the bridesmaids to wear once they got to the reception. Genius. Feet-saving. (Strappy sandals, while hawt, are not comfy.) So I got some for us girls as well. Well, for them. Needless to say I couldn’t find any that fit me, so I got to wear my old watermelon Crocs flip-flops. (I was thoroughly mocked for the non-glam-ness of my footwear.) The ones I got for the other girls, though, were gold and had a giant rhinestone on them. So glam. Srsly, steal this idea. The ladies will thank you.
  • Dove Ultimate Clear antiperspirant is good stuff. I had a strapless, dark blue dress and chiffon wrap that tied under the arms and around the back, and not a sweat stain or white smudge anywhere.
  • When you’re taking goofy pictures (in this case a Harlequin cover-esque photo of the bridesmaids swooning over the groom), and one of the other girls says, “Who has bosoms? We need heaving!”, think twice about volunteering yours, even if you’re the only one qualified. You will never get things to stay in the dress snugly and properly again after you hike the girls up for maximum… uhh… photo-worthiness. You will also nearly make the groom eyebrows shoot off the top of his head. Heh.
  • Spanx are very fine things, indeed, but as their “Power Panty” is open at the crotch (more than you wanted to know? you’re welcome), make sure things are on straight. If things get twisted things will rub very badly on one particular spot. Makes life a helluva lot easier when you have to hike 20lbs of of taffeta and tulle out of the way to go pee, though.
  • When using a bronzer, the bigger and cleaner the applicator brush, the better.
  • Apparently, the more simple your hairstyle appears, the more bobby pins it requires. I removed at least two dozen from my head, and the stylist didn’t do anything near as elaborate with my ‘do as with the others. My hair also didn’t move after I removed them all. Crunch crunch.
  • When you’re used to red toes, a neutral beige-ish mani/pedi looks REALLY WEIRD. Pretty, and perfect for a wedding and with a dark blue dress, but still weird. I feel like a soccer mom.
  • Dermablend will erase anything you smear it on. (It is a “high coverage” corrective foundation made by Vichy for those with skin problems — rosacea, scarring, acne, etc.) I brought mine for the makeup artist to use, and she was more liberal with it than I am. Then I kept getting compliments about my beautiful skin. Heh. I explained to the girls what this foundation is and does, and said you could pretty much use it to erase your entire nose if you felt like it.
  • Makeup can do freaky things. The makeup artist basically did my face the exact opposite of how I generally do it. I don’t touch my eyebrows, I use dark colours on my eyes, I largely eschew pink, etc. I looked like someone else when she was done with me. Totally weirded me out. Then I “edited” her work a bit once we got back to Sherry’s parents’ place. (I’m sorry, sweetie, but frosted light blue does not constitute a “smoky” eye.)

Oh, and this is wedding hair the next morning. I am teh sexy.

wedding hair the morning after

4 Comments on The Retirement of Mrs. Smith

  1. So, I have to admit, I started reading your blog about a half a year ago. I came across it while I was googling up my past (you know, whatever happened to…).

    But you quickly went from friend-of-ex to quirky-local-blogger-chick from whom I get my glimpse into the zeitgeist of the internet: xkcd/cakewrecks/graphjam etc. (By the way I had managed to avoid being rickrolled until your post about music last month – thanks)

    I was actually quite surprised then, when I read your post here. Oh right, forgot about that.

    Anywho, pass along my best wishes if you deem it appropriate (probably not). Also feel free to moderate this away into the void.

  2. Haha wedding hair is awesome πŸ™‚ My friend Dani went to bed with her wedding do still “in” (uhm, she was more than a bit wasted that night) and found the next morning it still hadn’t moved.

    Bobby pins FTW!

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