This evening I needed to return some library books, so I saddled up with backpack and iPod and headed out. As I was crossing Weber on Erb, I noticed a person lying on the asphalt beside the sidewalk on Erb (the far end of the parking lot by Hakim Optical).

Now, I’ve seen runners doing some pretty funky stretches on the sidewalk, but as I got closer I could tell that this dude was no runner, and certainly wasn’t stretching. I also quickly noticed that he was bleeding like a mofo. Uh oh.

So I headed over and saw he was conscious and moving a bit — that was good. I told him he looked like he could use a bit of help, and he agreed. So I handed him half a pack of Kleenex and told him to hold it on the gash across the bridge of his nose. (Seriously, the amount he was bleeding it was hard to tell how many gashes there were and if he was bleeding from inside his nose or not, too.)

I called 911 and told him an ambulance would be there to fix him up momentarily. He was conscious and talking and whatnot, but clearly not having the best day. Couple minutes on the phone with dispatch and they were on their way. While we were waiting, he bled through the Kleenex, so I handed him the rest of the packet. At that point the bleeding seemed to be slowing down, and the stream of blood running down the asphalt was coagulating. He rolled over a bit, and I saw that it looked like he had a pretty ugly cut above one eyebrow, too. Really, had he been a UFC fighter, I’d have been impressed…

Then we waited and I talked to him a bit to make sure he wasn’t fading out or anything, and he grasped my hand a couple times. (The cop gave me some alcohol gel before I left to help clean up the blood all over my hands, just in case.)

A police cruiser pulled up first, asked what was up (as a number of motorists had prior), and then spoke into the radio for a moment before coming over. Seconds after that a fire truck came zooming up, lights a-blazin’ and siren going (fun!) As per regulations, the cop and all the firemen (umm, did we actually need FOUR of them?) were smokin’ hot. Dammit, why can’t I be the one needing a little serving and protecting?

Anyway, I let the cop know the gentlemen appeared to have enjoyed a few too many beverages, which I suspected initially based on the condition of his nose — it was a bit wrecked and gin blossomy even without the copious blood — and the fact that he seemed fuzzy on a few details. And just as the fire truck was arriving he mentioned he was really drunk, too. So… yeah.

As the EMT got to work, I leaned down and told the gentleman he was in more than capable hands, wished him a much improved evening and said I needed to get going. He grasped my hand one last time and thanked me again.

And then reached up with his other hand and patted me on the ass. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think he’ll be okay…

5 Comments on It wasn’t funny until the very last moment…

  1. “And then reached up with his other hand and patted me on the ass.”

    So does this mean you now have a red hand print on your but? ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I had to go check, but yes, there are red smears on the ass of my cargos. Which is… kinda gross, really.

  3. But then, at the last moment, it was HILARIOUS. Hahaaaa!

    Good on you for stopping to help a fellow out! I tried a little good Samaritan action myself the other day when I saw some guy take a vicious tumble on his bike. I rushed right over to see if he was okay. I said “Are you okay?” and he said “I’ll be there in 10 minutes” and I realized that even though he was lying in a crumpled pile of manflesh under his bike, he was still talking on his cellphone like NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.

  4. Great story – I use to work in K/W -now in London (UK) so it brought back memories of the city – (and the funny street names)

    The incident is greatly consistency with my memory of the place.

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