The other evening Sherry and I were discussing relationships of varying kinds. She noted that it would be nice if she could come across a handy, suit-wearing geek with an Irish accent. I noted that if such magnificent specimens were strewn about the place, none of us would ever leave the house.
Aaaaaaanyway, there was also some discussion of… “dynamics”, for lack of a better word. There is much to be said for “old” lovers — people you know well and have had before, or have had for some time.
And yet, while many things are better than celibacy (unless celibacy is what you really want at a given time), I think when you have an old (familiar?) lover, you can’t help but have grass-is-greener moments. Where instead of the other person knowing that one thing that drives you nuts, there’s all this anticipation and trepidation and discovery — ALL of which drives you nuts. Instead of languid pleasures and knowing how to get and give exactly what you want, there’s the learning and experimentation — some of which, when it is particularly successful, is the greatest power trip there is.
When you have no lovers of any duration around, all those aspects of relationship-building seem like SO MUCH WORK. What works and what doesn’t? More broadly, Is This Going To Work? That whole getting to know someone process, and allowing that person to get to know you. The terror and discovery of meeting the other person’s friends and family and integrating with them. Learning quirks and endearing qualities and managing your reactions to them… Endless, really.
But when you’re single, it doesn’t seem like a lot of work in a good way. Just… tiring. Oh God… I am going to have to do that again? And yet, when you do meet someone — voila! — you forget the work part, and all that learning is actually enjoyable. Very much so.
Hmm. Perhaps the ideal lover is someone you’ve known a long time… combined with a shot of amnesia, or a really bad memory. (I know people who suck at remembering things… perhaps I should be envying them…?) Isn’t having a bad memory supposed to be the secret to a long and happy marriage, too?
Oh, and don’t forget the Irish accent. 🙂