Friends of my brother’s in high school at one time considered it a goal to be able to drink a two-four in a night. (For those of you who are not Canadian, that’s 24 beers.) Guys would also buy a 60oz-er of rye as their booze for a weekend, typically to be mixed with varying amounts of Coke. One time at one of my brother’s parties, a guy was choking my brother’s best friend for some perceived transgression, and I got to pull him off and throw him out of the house. One Friday night I came home from work to find my brother and his friend’s girlfriend in a screaming match in the driveway, and my dog so terrified he was flat to the ground and peeing because he was stuck between then and thought they were screaming at him. I’ve found people passed out in my car on a Sunday morning (after I’d left the car locked…). I’ve hosed vomit off my parents’ front porch. I’ve seen a friend hauled out onto the deck and draped over the railing so when he vomited (as one inevitably does after drinking a 26er of tequila — aka a fifth for the Americans) he wouldn’t choke to death (he was passed out cold, not surprisingly).

I’ve been drunk, stupidly so, but never that drunk. Or, rather, never drunk like that.

I don’t get it, either.

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