Month: May 2006

Currently in my head.

Don’t Get Your Back Up — Sarah Harmer

Baby, if I could keep it together don’t you think I’d try?
And maybe if I could make something of this,
Why wouldn’t I?
You say I close a blind eye
That I don’t put up the time
But what you see as goodbye
I don’t see as a crime
I’m tired of the blame
Being put on my head
You’re breathing fire’s not bringing back what’s dead

Don’t get your back up over this
If I’m so wrong and you’re so right
You really got your mind made up I guess
Won’t you let me get some sleep tonight?

It’s late now
And there’s only four hours ’til I get up again
You know I’d wait somehow
If I thought this was something
That a little time would mend
You, you’re dragging this misery on
Let’s leave this thing for a while
It’s too far gone
Too far gone

Don’t get your back up over this
If I’m so wrong and you’re so right
You really got your mind made up I guess
Won’t you let me get some sleep
Won’t you let me get some sleep
Won’t you let me get some sleep tonight?

Don’t get your back up over this
If I’m so wrong and you’re so right
You really got your mind made up I guess
Won’t you let me get some sleep
Won’t you let me get some sleep
Won’t you let me get some sleep tonight?

tonight…
tonight…

“Blue skies from pain.”

Last evening Andrew and I headed over to Guelph. We picked up his cousin, had a bite to eat, went to the theatre, bought tickets, met up with Andrew’s Mom, and watched a bad movie (The Da Vinci Code). After that we drove Andrew’s cousin home, returned to KW, and Andrew dropped me off.

Okay. So?

Well, there was another evening, almost a year ago, that went almost exactly the same way. Except that that time Andrew’s aunt came along, too; we saw a different bad movie (War of the Worlds); and I had driven to Andrew’s house, so that time we drove back to his place. And when we got there, sitting in the driveway, before we got out of the car, he dumped me.

So, yeah. Last night? A bit surreal.

Particularly so since last night Andrew’s cousin kept asking me questions that were a bit uncomfortable to answer. His view of things tends to be fairly simplified… black and white, and while he technically knows Andrew and I aren’t together anymore, I don’t think he entirely understands the permutations of that. He asked if Andrew and I would be going to the Canadian Grand Prix again this year. Umm. No. (Last year as a combined yay-Andrew-gets-to-see-an-F1-race and Melle’s 30th birthday present we went to Montreal for a long weekend.) He also asked if I’d be coming over on Sunday. Umm. No. (Sunday there is a big family gathering at Andrew’s house, with assorted not-local relations coming. A lot of things have been going on in Andrew’s family the last while, so it’s a fairly important get together.)

At the time Andrew’s cousin asked this stuff (and some other things), we were sitting in the theatre by ourselves. (Andrew was out front waiting for his Mom.) I had no idea what to say beyond just plain old answering the questions. Yes. No. After the movie we wandered outside and the family chit-chatted a bit. I wandered off to the car, since most of the conversation was family-related. After we dropped Andrew’s cousin off, the conversation between Andrew and I reverted to the usual goofing off, making fun of each other and the movie and talking about work and whatnot.

I am grateful almost every day that Andrew and I are still friends, despite the grief I got from friends and some of the hell both of us had to endure to make that happen. Sometimes, though, it’s just very strange, and a bit of a perspective reset, to get a view of your life defined by where you don’t belong (anymore), as opposed seeing things through the lense of where you do belong.

Aural fixation.

I’ve been enjoying these as background noise today: SXSW 2006 Interactive Panels Podcasts.

I find the approach to blogging as this public, viable… thing and all these people talking about it as just, part of life, very odd. Not sure why. I mean, I do it (blog, that is). But I guess when my friends and I talk about it it’s just that – me and my friends talking about something. Plus, come to think of it, those of us who’re net-inclined don’t really talk about it that often.

And hey – I’m not the only person who forgets that anyone besides me reads this stuff!

On the other side of the coin, the discussion of blogs and bloggers and interpersonal relationships makes me feel fairly validated as normal. Makes me wonder what things would have been like if melle.ca existed pre-breakup with Andrew, too… 🙂

Woo, continued.

The continuing evolution of the love song.

An interesting juxtaposition hearing this blasting out of my brother’s living room, while I was painting, as compared with, say, this, wafting across the street from his neighbour’s house… 🙂

I have to admit, though, I experience a certain immature glee from singing along with parts of You’re Beautiful.

She could tell from my face that I was… fucking hiiiiiigh…

I mean, come on… 🙂