In a lather.

The Best a Man Can Get.

So, I’m kinda weird. In many ways, really, but the two most highlighted by the above linked article (in Christianity Today – isn’t that awesome?) are:

a) I have a mild knife fetish, and
b) the concept of growing hair out of your face freaks me out.

So, needless to say, my reaction to that article was… mixed. I mean, the idea of having hair constantly growing out of your face, thus requiring daily shaving (or, for most guys I know, a couple times a week shaving…) is just an incredibly weird idea. Yes, I am aware that I have eyebrows (quite nice ones, too – ask Dana) and, being of German peasant extraction and being over 30, I can expect the beard to arrive any day now. On the other hand, descriptions of classic shaving accoutrements and the process of getting a professional barber shave? Rawr. Sharp, sharp blades, lying helpless, steam, men being all manly-like… Grooming pr0n, baby. šŸ™‚

I cannot be completely alone in my odd fetish here. I mean, really, why ELSE would they invent vibrating razors that just happened to have the vibrating bits waaaaaay up in the handle, nowhere near the blades? Uh huh… Apparently, shaving can be… inspirational. šŸ™‚

There’s just a certain elegance to the options of traditional shaving to which women are not party. Shave your legs, or, God forbid, the nether regions, with a straight razor? YOU MUST BE JOKING. Really, genital mutilation is something we’re trying to eradicate, people. That said, as faboo a job as the Mach 3/Venus products do (disposable anything will turn you into chum: Just Say No) blades are stupidly expensive. Gillette knows that. They were one of the biggest early proponents of improved retail security and RFID. Why? Razor blades are the most stolen item off retail store shelves.

Ironically, though, freshly shaved skin? Is not sexy. Sure it’s soft and smooth, but weirdly smooth (especially on guys), and also kind of… tacky and almost raw. Makes kissing kind of odd. Stubble, however, is all kinds of sexy. And yes, while protracted smooching of someone who hasn’t shaved in a day or two can leave you looking like you just made out with a sanding block or drank a gallon of fruit punch straight outta the pitcher, there is a tactile value there (and visual), that’s way sexier than the “baby’s butt” look.

As for the end of the article? Frankly, it just wanders off into weirdness and philosophy, and I’ll leave it to its meanderings. But, y’know, if you want to think of shaving before eating breakfast as

“We will arise and go, godlike, to the feast.”

More power to ya. šŸ™‚

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