My Nerve horoscope:

You’ll feel like Catherine Deneuve this week, a remarkably attractive vehicle for some high-end, dark sexuality. You’re undaunted by anything the Bunuel or Polanski in your life throws at you, be it groping hands coming through walls or mysterious buzzing boxes. It’s all in the name of sexual gratification, so how bad can it really be? Just remind them that Repulsion wouldn’t exist without your willing participation.

Gee, that’s not weird or anything. And I dunno about you, but while I AM a fan of sexual gratification, I can think of many better places for it to come from than the walls…

I also gotta say, this sounds strangely more corporate than sexual to me:

Spend time with people you have a lot in common with this week. A tendency to try to convert people to your frame of mind will only backfire — you’re better served by hanging out with those you can celebrate your like-mindedness with: high-fives of comraderie, tongue-kisses of agreement, handjobs of mutual understanding — these are the fruits of human connection, and they should be employed in abundance.

‘Specially the handjob part. Heh.

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