Home. Exhausted. Refusing to think too hard right now. Apparently vacations are Not Allowed.

Over the course of the weekend my brother’s car died (8am phone call Saturday) and my grandpa had several seizures, apparently (5pm phone call Sunday). My parents left for their cruise this morning and at this point my main hope is that they do not have to come back before they’re scheduled to. They need this vacation. My brother’s car is getting looked at shortly, and hopefully things can be taken care of relatively cheaply. If not, we’ll find something used to replace it for now. As my brother said on the phone earlier, it’s like one step forward and ten steps back. As I said: fuck, dude… I don’t know how he does it. I am So. Fucking. Tired. of it, and it’s not even my life. He sounded okay on the phone, which is about the best that can be hoped for right now. He didn’t know about Gramps, but we’re of a mind on that. Gramps was Gramps 10-15 years ago. The person who’s in the nursing home now isn’t really him anymore. Chad had Rachel call the home (she works there) and got the details – the seizures happened this morning, and he was asking for my aunt and uncle (who were there today – that aunt called me), and he’s in the home’s infirmary at present. I left my aunt a voicemail letting her know I got her voicemail, but right now I don’t want to deal with family. Chad’s car apparently has a hole in the rad, but the motor started and it’s not knocking or anything, and he knows useful people who can help him get it fixed quite cheaply, so that’s good. He sounded a bit better the second time I talked to him, and he’s with Rachel, for which I am also grateful.

Last weekend, my Mom and I were talking about the friend who had a stroke – discussing how his weight, job stress, and lifestyle made him a prime candidate for a heart attack or a stroke. And then he had one. The next day, in fact. We were talking about Gramps and his age and failing health, and how at this point all we can really hope for for him is that when he goes, it’s peacefully and without suffering. And then he has multiple seizures. A week later. We did talk about my brother, but not his car, specifically. I hope the car dying was the third thing, though. These things always happen in threes, and I don’t have the energy for one more. And right now I don’t remember what else we may have talked about.

It’s weird, it’s been like this for as long as I can remember – discuss something, and shortly thereafter, things happen. I used to think I had magical powers. I am beginning to wonder again. I am the Angel of Shit Happening. Don’t get too close to me. Maybe Mom and I just shouldn’t talk about anything but rainbows and unicorns…

I need another vacation. A real one. Where my phone can’t ring with bulletins from real life. Somewhere at the Edge of the World, where mountains become cliffs above the ocean and I can pretend I don’t exist for a while.

Ottawa was good. The run-down and pictures to come. In the mean time, Life and Everything Like It can bugger off. 🙂

gargoyle

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