Very true, Mr. Javan…

In a way, the idea of internet dating is completely ridiculous. Why? Because it involves computers, which function via logic, to manage human relationships, which defy all logic.

It would seem pretty basic. You develop an idea of the kind of person you want. You know what you find attractive, you know what levels of personality traits draw you. You know what degree of intimacy that you crave or feel comfortable with. You know what values you hold and require in a partner. So… filter potential partners til you find someone who matches those criteria, and live happily ever after.


Except… no. We date people we have nothing in common with. We sleep with people we don’t know. We marry people who don’t even seem to like us. Why? How can there be one trait that is so compelling that it negates everything about a person that lodges him/her firmly in the “frog” category rather than the Prince(ss) Charming category? (And, to be fair, on the other side of the coin, given all the crazy permutations that make up even the average person, how freakin’ magical is it that there even are soulmates out there?) Why do we stick around with someone who finds us, at best “kinda fun”, when we know we’re looking for something a whole lot more meaningful and a whole lot more permanent? How is it possible that a near-perfect person can be taken out of the running for “love of your life” because of one trait or quirk? Is our sense of “fit” that highly tuned, or are we just so ridiculously messed up by our experiences that our fear makes us seize on minutiae and turn molehills into mountains?

It’s madness, unquestionably. Part of the problem is that humans ARE so complex yet illogical. It’s not just a matter of lining up the zeroes and ones. We’re quantum and running under uncontrolled conditions, and everything is affecting our performance and computations. Schroedinger’s Cat is dead and alive and dreaming in Technicolour and has gone out for sushi.

Really, it’s more a wonder that ANYONE finds the love of his/her life, rather than it being a wonder that so many people do. (Well, half-ish, supposedly…) And really, given the prevalence of seemingly imperfect relationships that last at least a while, the Troll King in Peer Gynt was right with, “To thine own self be enough”. But apparently it should be added, “… and to others…”

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