These new Turtles, I do not approve of them. It is bad enough that my father taunts me with tales of Turtles of yore, nigh on 50 years ago, when they made special Turtles for the holidays nearly as big around as a cd, and “gift boxes” that were metal chests filled with chocolate/caramel/pecan goodness.

I understand it is necessary to move with the times. After all, when did Smiles & Chuckles stop making Turtles? But this new packaging, I don’t like it. The individual wrapping is a lot of waste, and I suspect there are a lot fewer actual Turtles in the box. In addition, they don’t taste the same. Advertise the presence of “premium pecans and cashews” if you will, but I am not fooled. They’re smaller, and they’re made of something else. A dash more lips and assholes from the factory-farmed, mechanically-separated chocolate turtle parts, perhaps?

I realize you’re trying to branch out. White chocolate, macadamia nuts, individual-sized packaging available year round… but no. This is not right. This is a violation of a sacred trust. THIS IS NOT CHRISTMAS.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *