Tantrum.

Today has not been a good day. Robyn pretty much had it: “Today was not meant to be.”

Mark decided that he wanted to go to Pizza Hut for the buffet lunch. Okie doke. Bad idea. Almost every time I went for food, I had to wait for pizza or plates or both to arrive. Sometimes you could see pizzas sitting on the counter in the kitchen, fresh out of the oven, sliced, and in serving pans. Because in the kitchen is where those should be. The selection of pizzas was limited. They mostly kept repeating meaty options or random weirdness. I’m sure this contributed in no small way to my later digestive distress, but at the time I was just hungry. Hot peppers and pineapple? Whatever. Bacon crumble and green olives? Sure. People kept making messes and ruining slices. Seriously, folks, how hard is it to lift a piece of pizza and put it on your plate without mangling the adjacent slices and smearing their toppings all over the pan? If the crust isn’t quite cut through, see that metal thing in your hand? That will solve the problem… And in general, the ambience and clientele was… not pretty. Impressively trailer, uniquely attired, and some examples of truly morbid obesity. No better way to feel good about sitting there shoving slices into your mouth.

By 2pm I was pretty much done. Tired, irritable, and with a less than happy tummy. There was really no way of making it happily to the end of the day, and sometimes, you just shouldn’t try. So I emailed my boss that I was heading out (I hadn’t seen him since we got back from lunch) and came home. I headed straight for bed, and after a few minutes of being lulled by the dulcet tones of dogs fighting a few feet from my head, I was gone. A good indication that I am in pretty serious need of some sleep is when I am wiped out that completely in the middle of the day. I woke up towards 4:30 with Gordie snoozing with me. We had a snuggle (I sense a pattern), and now I’m up. Less achey, less grouchy, still lethargic, more depressed. I know I should go to the gym; it would make me feel better. I know the lethargy is just left over from the nap. I know the clear head and tired body would feel much better than this. Gym’s open til 9, we’ll see. I should also take Gordie for a walk. Problem is – how? I don’t want to walk him without the Leader. He needs to continue training with it. But I can’t manage to walk him on the Leader and have Baloo with me, and there’s no way I’m getting out of the house for a walk with just one dog. My plan is to swing over to Andrew’s tomorrow and check on the house, and to take Gordie with me and walk him then. I am less concerned about walking him with the Leader in an area that is lower traffic and more familiar to him. In the mean time, the dogs get in about 50 play fighting sessions a day, so it’s not like no exercise is being had.

Mostly today I just wanted someone to make it better. To be here. Or at least care. I wanted someone with magical powers who would ignore my inconsistencies if I said fuck off and then kept talking. Who would hear my complaints and give me a hug. Who would invent plans for this evening off-the-cuff to cheer me up. Who would be a comforting warmth and weight beside me in bed while I slept.

That person doesn’t exist. I have me and my glass of water and my unmade bed and a borrowed dog who nearly scratches my eyes out when he wants to snuggle and lick my face. That’s all. And today it’s not enough. However, in honour of Bill Gates’ birthday, I propose a quote: “Life is not fair; get used to it.”

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