Dear Teenaged Girl Walking Into Canadian Tire With Her Mother,

I realize the raggedy rocker look is back, and, as someone who grew up (rather than having been conceived) in the 80s, I support that. The tatty, Koolaid-streaked hair: fine. The three-quarter length sleeve black and white concert-style t-shirt: fine (even though there was nothing on it…). The dirty jeans with holes torn in the knees and ass: fine.

However.

I take issue with your footwear. What in the name of all holy and rock and roll made you think it was acceptable to complete this ensemble with WHITE TUBE SOCKS AND BIRKENSTOCKS???

Are hi-cuts so hard to find? Would Mommy not spring for a pair of Chuck Taylors? Even fucking Docs would be fine. Honestly, in my day at least if we were going to rip off an era, at least we tried to do with with a dash of irony and a pinch of style.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Rocked Out To Guns ‘n’ Roses The First Time Around.

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